I was raised by my mother and stepfather. My father was involved in my childhood occasionally, but for one reason or another has been less and less involved as I’ve gotten older. During my college years, he was deployed to Baghdad, Iraq and served there for about 14 months. Toward the end of his tour, he was in a convoy that drove over an IED (Improvised Explosive Device), causing their vehicle to explode, sending shrapnel flying into the soldiers’ bodies and causing several casualties. As I got word of this, I was faced with the thought of my father dying, something that I hadn’t thought about before. It’s nothing like what my stepmother and siblings who grew up with him must have felt. I imagine it’s a different kind of sadness and fear. A fear that I may never know my father before his death, because I am too hurt and proud to try to love him. When I was a child I would make up excuses for him and for broken promises because it was too painful. “Oh, he’s just really busy and lives far away. He’ll come down and see me soon! He loves me, I know he does! It’s just, he’s got so much going on and everything.” In my teen years, friends and social events were a good distraction. I was only reminded of how painful his absence was at Christmases and graduation. Children who have an absent parent or who have parents going through a divorce are left with an empty spot right in their middle. Everyone has an empty spot in their middle because of something...usually some hurtful relationship, abandonment or experience. I see empty spots in some of my students. Some will try to fill it with drugs, sex, alcohol, and relationships. Others will fill it with bitterness, resentment, and anger. But some, will realize it can only be filled by the love and grace that is Christ. God is love. As my father is training and preparing for his second deployment, I’m reminded of the thought of losing him again. I’m reminded that anger, bitterness, resentment, and pride are small dark rooms that we lock ourselves in to keep us from getting hurt and weathered by the world, that keep us from seeing God in others. God is Love. Let us strive to let go of our anger, fear, hurt, guilt, shame, resentment, bitterness, pride. If we keep these small, dark rooms in our hearts, there’s not much space left for love. Let us strive to be empathetic, compassionate, kind, loving…but also hold one another accountable with empathy, compassion, kindness and love. God is love. I’m working to build a relationship with my father now and love him, because through loving we learn; through loving, we grow; through loving, we see and experience God. In a conversation I once had with a friend, we came upon the idea that nothing in the world will ever change until we start seeing God in each other. We are ALL made in His image, so He is reflected in EACH person walking this earth. But, no one wants to see God in someone else. We just want to see what we think is bad, negative, different than ourselves, sinful, because it makes us feel better, holier, more normal, “good”. At that moment, when we make those judgments, we are not loving our neighbor as ourselves. We are loving ourselves at the expense of our neighbor. My father was made in the image of God. I was made in the image of God. Let’s strive together to see God’s image in each other, and in loving compassion, learn and grow, breaking down the walls of the small, dark rooms in our hearts, filling each others’ empty spots with love for one another, because God is Love, and “the greatest of these is love”.
“So now may you leave this place with hearts of love and peace. May you find the grace never to sell yourself short; grace to risk something big for something good; grace to remember that the world now is too dangerous for anything but truth, and too small for anything but love. So may Love take your minds and think through them; may Love take your lips and speak through them; may Love take your hearts and grant them peace.” Amen.
The Rev. Dr. Donald Hodgson
No comments:
Post a Comment