Humbled

I am constantly amazed at my own arrogance. It's so easy to judge others, but when you have a moment of realization that not everyone is like you, that not everyone has had your privileges and upbringing, that not everyone has had it so easy, it is really humbling. We've all had our hardships and struggles, but I've not had things as bad as I think.

Friday, I had the pleasure of speaking with a lady that I've seen in passing many a time. We've said our greetings, smiled at each other and made frivolous inquiries like "How are you?" But on this day, she graciously opened herself up to me for some reason, and we spoke for an extended amount of time about her life. We started out by talking about her children and how much she loves them, what her hopes are for them, and what she believes about parenting. She told me that she really encourages her kids to look at her mistakes, look at their family members' mistakes, and the mistakes of those around them, and learn from them. That's what she had to do. She had to make a decision about how she wanted her life to be at a very young age, and then fight for that life.

Growing up, she had a goal. Her goal was this: to not get pregnant before the age of 21....and she made it. As she told me this success she lifted her hands and her eyes to the sky, smiled and said "Oh yes, I MADE IT!" This was so humbling for me to hear. While I was at SBEC in high school, with goals of graduating with honors, going to college and having a career, she was watching those around her have children when they were as young as 12 years old. She was watching her friends be abused, physically, emotionally and sexually, drop out of school, and be neglected by those they were supposed to be able to rely on the most. She was also being abused. Instead of her goal being to go to college, it was to simply make it through high school without getting pregnant. Wow. How privileged have I been?? How blessed? This conversation was such an inspiration to me. Hearing from a woman who defied the odds, which were not in favor, and then strive to give her children the life that she didn't have, was amazing. She was truly inspiring. She didn't talk about her life as a victim. She didn't talk about it in a bitter, angry way. She spoke about things in a "this is just how it was" kind of way. She wasn't looking for pity, nor was she over-exaggerating the negative experiences she had, she was just laying it out there, "matter of fact" like.

This reminded me that surrounding myself with people who aren't like me, gives me the humbling opportunity to learn a different perspective; gives me a humbling reminder, that the world is full of people who are suffering, struggling, and fighting to defy crippling statistics....and that I've had it so good in life, struggles and all. Thank you God for the blessings you've given me....and for the reminder that I need to be compassionate and gracious as you are, which is hard for a sinner like me!

Quote of the Day

So, in A.C.T. today, I let the kids have a little free time. They LOVE looking at the microscope slides. This one boy was looking at a slide, when all of the sudden, he jumps up, and RUNS over to a group of other kids. "LOOK!!! Its 'frog blood SMEAR'!! SO COOL! You know.....like, he got run over!?!" *Sigh* Love it that he thought the word "smear" meant the frog had been run over and the scientists scraped his smeared blood off of the road and put it on the slide. Classic. It's almost up there with the girl who thought that the "apple" in our daily riddle last week was referring to "apple bottom jeans".

A Writing for My School Devotional

I was raised by my mother and stepfather. My father was involved in my childhood occasionally, but for one reason or another has been less and less involved as I’ve gotten older. During my college years, he was deployed to Baghdad, Iraq and served there for about 14 months. Toward the end of his tour, he was in a convoy that drove over an IED (Improvised Explosive Device), causing their vehicle to explode, sending shrapnel flying into the soldiers’ bodies and causing several casualties. As I got word of this, I was faced with the thought of my father dying, something that I hadn’t thought about before. It’s nothing like what my stepmother and siblings who grew up with him must have felt. I imagine it’s a different kind of sadness and fear. A fear that I may never know my father before his death, because I am too hurt and proud to try to love him. When I was a child I would make up excuses for him and for broken promises because it was too painful. “Oh, he’s just really busy and lives far away. He’ll come down and see me soon! He loves me, I know he does! It’s just, he’s got so much going on and everything.” In my teen years, friends and social events were a good distraction. I was only reminded of how painful his absence was at Christmases and graduation. Children who have an absent parent or who have parents going through a divorce are left with an empty spot right in their middle. Everyone has an empty spot in their middle because of something...usually some hurtful relationship, abandonment or experience. I see empty spots in some of my students. Some will try to fill it with drugs, sex, alcohol, and relationships. Others will fill it with bitterness, resentment, and anger. But some, will realize it can only be filled by the love and grace that is Christ. God is love. As my father is training and preparing for his second deployment, I’m reminded of the thought of losing him again. I’m reminded that anger, bitterness, resentment, and pride are small dark rooms that we lock ourselves in to keep us from getting hurt and weathered by the world, that keep us from seeing God in others. God is Love. Let us strive to let go of our anger, fear, hurt, guilt, shame, resentment, bitterness, pride. If we keep these small, dark rooms in our hearts, there’s not much space left for love. Let us strive to be empathetic, compassionate, kind, loving…but also hold one another accountable with empathy, compassion, kindness and love. God is love. I’m working to build a relationship with my father now and love him, because through loving we learn; through loving, we grow; through loving, we see and experience God. In a conversation I once had with a friend, we came upon the idea that nothing in the world will ever change until we start seeing God in each other. We are ALL made in His image, so He is reflected in EACH person walking this earth. But, no one wants to see God in someone else. We just want to see what we think is bad, negative, different than ourselves, sinful, because it makes us feel better, holier, more normal, “good”. At that moment, when we make those judgments, we are not loving our neighbor as ourselves. We are loving ourselves at the expense of our neighbor. My father was made in the image of God. I was made in the image of God. Let’s strive together to see God’s image in each other, and in loving compassion, learn and grow, breaking down the walls of the small, dark rooms in our hearts, filling each others’ empty spots with love for one another, because God is Love, and “the greatest of these is love”.

“So now may you leave this place with hearts of love and peace. May you find the grace never to sell yourself short; grace to risk something big for something good; grace to remember that the world now is too dangerous for anything but truth, and too small for anything but love. So may Love take your minds and think through them; may Love take your lips and speak through them; may Love take your hearts and grant them peace.” Amen.
The Rev. Dr. Donald Hodgson

Luke Goes to Dillard's

A.J. and I went to Dillards the other night to buy an undisclosed gift for an undisclosed person (my mom). I thought it was just going to be a regular evening of Christmas shopping, but no....no, it was not. A.J. stayed in the car, since we had both our dogs with us, to make sure they didn't pee/poop, or kill each other...or both. Anyway, I'm looking in an undisclosed part of Dillards for the undisclosed person's (my mom's) gift, when I get a phone call. "Hello?" I say. My ear is met with hysterical laughing. It takes me about 10 minutes (ok, maybe that's an exaggeration) to figure out that its A.J. (probably because I've NEVER heard him laugh so hard). Once he finally quiets down (....a little)....he says "Luke is in Dillards!" "What??? You're joking. Stop that!" I say. "No no!!! He's IN Dillard's!!!! I'm looking at him now through the window!!! There's all these people around him!!!" "What??? You can't be serious!!" I say, as I'm walking toward the front of the store. "YES!!! HE'S IN DILLARDS!!! I opened the window so he could stick his head out, and he JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW!!! He just pranced right up to the door, and it opened for him....and he just walked right in like a little person!!!!!" I'm still in shock. All the sudden, as I'm nearing the purses, I see a woman and her child shopping. The woman gasps and jumps back....and yes, yes....I see the little head of my little black and tan weenie dog peek out from the bottom purse rack. My face shows utter HORROR. I'm still on the phone with A.J. We are both about to lose it. Secretly, I hope to be able to stay on the phone, walk out inconspicuously with Luke following me and no one knowing he is mine. Was it that easy??? NEVER. I try my plan, but he doesn't follow. He is hiding behind the purse rack. There are people gathering around on their cell phones. The security guard is even there. Dear God. I bend down..."Luke! Come here Luke!! Come here!!" He comes to me, and yes, I pick him up. A man asks, "Ma'am, is this your dog?" To which I say "Yes, yes he is," as my face burns red, and I'm laughing ashamedly ( ok, so that's not a word, but it is rather fitting.). I get outside the store and lose it. I think we laughed for a solid 30 minutes. So, my friends, my dog has definite stalker potential, and has been shopping. True story.

The End.