Corrie Ten Boom

I read The Hiding Place a few years ago, and it had a great, great impact on me. If you’ve never read it, it’s a book about Corrie Ten Boom, a Christian woman who harbored Jews with her family in WW2. It's one of those amazing books that I need to read like every week to keep myself in check. she and her sister were sent to a concentration camp, and the book outlines her experiences there along with her sister Betsy. Corrie Ten Boom’s writing really showed me an understanding of God’s love for us and let me feel his forgiveness in a new way. 


Over the past few months, I have often thought about The Hiding Place, and in the middle of doing random tasks or during the work day, I would remember something from the book, a scene or a phrase. I didn’t realize that God was preparing me to face something about myself that I didn't want to face. Funny how He just does that....isn't it? 


We’ve all been hurt by someone. A spouse, a parent, sibling, friend, maybe even someone we don’t even know. Some of us have been hurt in small ways by people over a long period of time, or in big ways by a person once or twice. But we’ve all experienced it, being shamed, betrayed, and hurt by another. Certainly none of us have experience this to the extent of Corrie ten Boom, but it’s easy to think that we’ve forgiven those who’ve hurt us. Then, we come in contact with them, and perhaps forgiveness is not as easy as we thought. I recently ran into someone who had hurt me in the past, and caused me a lot of pain.


For a while, I would have severe anxiety whenever I thought about him and what he had done to me, but eventually, over time, I grew to take pride in the fact that I’d "worked through" the painful experience without being bitter, forgiving him for what he’d done. But as I sat in my usual coffee shop reading on a recent Saturday morning, I glanced up to see this person who had hurt me so badly, for the first time in years, and I quickly looked back down. My heart started beating quickly, my face burned, but my heart was cold.


“It was at a church service in Munich that I saw him, the former SS man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck…and suddenly it was all there- the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie’s pain blanched face.”*


I wanted to run out of the shop. “Surely, after everything he did to me, he won’t talk to me. Surely, he’ll just leave me alone and go on his merry way. Of course, he won’t have the nerve to sit at my table and look me in the face after what he did.” Sounds forgiving, right?


“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.”*


I felt the presence near me, and I looked up to stare into the smiling face of the person that I least wanted to see in this world. It was at that moment that I realized I could have gone my whole life without seeing that face again, and in fact, that’s what I had been wishing for all along. As long as this person was out of my life and out of my site, it was easy to be "forgiving". The smiling face nonchalantly pulled up a chair and had a seat at my table as if nothing had ever happened. Like we were old friends.


“He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. ‘How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein,” he said. “To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!” His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.”*


Anger was boiling inside of me, but we sat and talked for a while, and I could only feel the strong urge for the conversation to be over, for this person to once again be gone from my life, along with the hurtful reminder of a very dark time.


“Even as the angry vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him....Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me your forgiveness....”*


I wanted to hear an apology…an explanation…something to give me the feeling of release, but instead, God kept giving me Corrie ten Boom.


“I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth of charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer.”*


We sat and talked for a while, and I felt very strongly that I should invite this person to church. 


“God, this is just unacceptable! How can you expect me to do this!" Then, again there was Corrie. 


“Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give your forgiveness.”*


I invited him person to my church. Invited him back into my life.


“As I took his hand, the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand, a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.”*


This invitation was quickly followed by a panic. What if he actually comes to my church and starts coming regularly?? What if I have to see this person every single Sunday for the rest of my life? God, how could I do this? 


Then, Corrie reminded me of what she discovered through her experiences:
“that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command the love itself.”*


Praise God for His forgiveness and grace...and praise God that his grace is so large and vast and deep and generous and strong, that it loves for us when our humanity fails. 

*Ten, Boom Corrie., John L. Sherrill, and Elizabeth Sherrill. The Hiding Place. Washington Depot, CT: Chosen, 1971. Print.

Soooo, I haven't posted in a while

And figure its about time to get back to it! Right now, Elizabeth's former roommate, and my former suite mate, from college is visiting! Her name is Kalen, and we love her. She's the redhead.

We had a successful tea party shower on Sunday, and a successful rap session last night. Seriously. Here's what we came up with:

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=637642961848

I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Anyway, so Elizabeth is getting married in July, and she is officially my last single friend in Southaven! I've known her since we were 12. Here we are 5 years ago. Aren't we cute? Don't answer that.

 
That being said, I am officially throwing myself a pity party. Ok. So not really....but kind of. I'm anticipating her falling off the face of the earth, and the experience for me is bittersweet. The other day, while working out, a friend and I were talking about what its like to be single at our age in our area, because everyone seems to be married. We were talking about how difficult it is to get with our married friends who have kids and that it's just hard to be single in general. I was convicted. It's hard(-er) to be married and have kids!!! And at the end of the day, I'm not very intentional about scheduling time with them. So to all my marrieds....I'm sorry!!! You have no idea how much your marriages and your precious children bless me!

I like to pretend that I'm a strong, independent single woman, which I am to and extent, but when all is said and done, I do want a spouse and family. It's not a desire that overtakes my life and drives me to be discontent, but the desire is there. It's taken me a long time to come to grips with that. I admit, when my first sweet friend told me she was pregnant, after hugging her and kissing her face in celebration, I immediately went in my house and cried. In that moment, I felt so strongly that the world was moving ahead, and I was treading water.

Maybe it's because I'm afraid people feel sorry for me because I'm single, or maybe it's because I assume people think that my life is incomplete, and I want to prove them wrong. Or maybe I just don't want to come across as desperate or lonely. I love my life. I am blessed. I am content. But, wanting a family doesn't mean that I am any of those previously mentioned things.

Now. You and I both know that people say things all the time that they might THINK are appropriate (like telling a pregnant woman how "huge" she is or continuously asking newlyweds when they're going to start having children) when really, they are not appropriate at all. Especially this year, I've experienced several occasions where people obviously were trying to tell me something about my singleness. Because I am one of the few (and by few, I mean 5) teachers at my place of business that are single, I have several little humorous gems to share with you. Where shall I start?

1. "I'm praying for you to find someone. I get worried about single women your age."

Thank you. Thank you so much for your prayers. Really. I DO appreciate them! BUT, people.....I'm single. Not ill. Also, it's not really necessary to tell me that you're worried I'm going to turn into a cat loving, Lifetime obsessed, hoarding spinster. BUT, if I get to that point, I'll let you help me replace the pee stained carpet and remove the dead cat carcasses from my house. You're welcome.

2. "You know, it's only going to get harder to meet people the older you get."

Really? I didn't know. Thank you for this useful bit of information! I'll get right on that. Maybe you could print off the flyers advertising my singleness and help me hang them up at local grocery stores! Perhaps, sub-consciously, the men at the grocery store will associate the flyers with food, and I will be overcome by a flood of handsome bachelors requesting my hand in marriage. Good plan. I like it.

3. "Don't you want children?"

.................No. I hate them.That's why I work with them everyday. I also have no biological clock. I mean, obviously. I'm late everywhere I go.

4. "{Insert Any Single Male Teacher's/Coach's Name}is single! He's kind of cute! Don't you think?"

No. Just......no.

5. "I had a cousin get married recently. He's in his late 30's. He always said he wouldn't marry someone who'd been divorced and/or had kids, and guess what? He married a woman who'd been divorced and has kids!"

Great! That is just fantastic. I'm so happy that your cousin found happiness! However, don't use your cousin's happiness to hint that, at my age, I need to lower my standards in order to find a husband. I mean, really, if you look historically at my dating life, you would see that perhaps my standards actually need to be heightened a bit!

6. There's always the more overt "Girl, you need a husband!"

Thank you for so accurately assessing my needs. My situation is automatically better because you said that.

7. "Mr. Wrigley (the High School Principal), next time we need to hire a slew of new coaches, please ensure that there are plenty of good looking, single 20-30 somethings for our single teachers!" (cuts eyes toward me)

No. I'm not standing right here or anything. And no, he's not kind of my boss or anything like that. This isn't an embarrassing situation for me AT. ALL. Noooope.

8. "Ms. Hopkins, have you had a boyfriend ever?"

Oh darling. If I told you how many boyfriends I've had since I've been your teacher, I would probably be fired for having "questionable character".

So, to wrap up this post:

• Kalen is here. YAY!
• Liz is getting married. YAY! and *sniff*
• Life is hard sometimes for singles and marrieds
• I am incredibly blessed by my married friends and their children!!!! 
• I am lucky to have many people in my life who genuinely care about my well being and provide me with a lot of humor!
• I have a questionable dating history.

Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Emily H. :)

Ode to my 28th Year: It's going to be a good one.

How did my birthday go you ask?

Oh! I'd be happy to tell you! Thank you for asking! :) You're such a good friend.

Well, it started off by me not remembering that it was my birthday. I know, right? Who forgets about their own birthday? Well folks, me.

I spent the night with Whitney and little Braden because of the storm. My satellite has been out, and I have no radio.....sooooo, I felt it was probably a good idea to go somewhere that would be more informative. I DO have a flashlight, though! Anyway, I spent a lot of time being distracted by the little guy, Braden, while Whitney was talking to me (I'm sorry friend! I can't help it that I love your child!!!!:), but we also spent a LOT of time watching Dave Brown:

*Sigh* Isn't he dreamy? In fact, we watched him so much, that I did actually dream about him last night! So he is dreamy! And I'm punny!!! Ok. Back to my story.

We went into the laundry room for a little while. It was fun. Braden loved it. We were camping. Next time, we'll make a tent out of blankets. Look how much fun he was having?? Obviously, the kid loves me.

So Whitney went to bed, and I stayed up watching and tweeting about how awesome Dave Brown is. Then, I went to bed.

I woke up to one of my best friends in the whole world, and one of the cutest babies in the whole world! It was a great start indeed. My aunt texted and reminded me that it was, in fact, my birthday....and my day got even BETTER! Also, Mr. Manley, the President of our school, came out and did my car duty for me since it was raining so hard! Thanks, Mr. Manley! :) Even though you didn't REALLY know it was my birthday, you gave me a fabulous present!!

Then came the tornado warnings! Yay! What an interesting day! I only had my 6th grade class for 10 minutes! I mean, it was great. I'd take tornado warnings on my birthday at school over any old regular day for shore.

Bad. Just.......bad.

I went on a date with a guy last week. Yes. A date.

He's a lawyer and....well, since it went so badly....I'm changing his name to protect the innocent. We'll call him......"Bill". I'm not telling how we met. It's a secret. *awkward cough*

Mooooooving on.....

We decided to go for sushi. I love sushi. Sushi loves me. "We looooovveeee each other." (Kudos to you if you get that movie reference btw!) If you're reading this...you probably already know that I lurve it. But, if you didn't know before, you do now! We should go get some.

We met up at Sekesui in midtown....took our seats....and awkwardly began our conversation. He wasn't very talkative, so I thought "work" would be a good topic to start with.

Work. Part One:

"So, what type of work do you do?" I asked.

"Well, I get appointed to a lot of criminal and juvenile cases."

"Wow. That must be pretty difficult at times! Do you ever come across any moral delimmas?" I thought this would be an interesting route to take.

"No. Not really."

I was wrong. Route closed.

*Blink. Blink* I stare blankly at him. "Really?" I ask. This was NOT the answer I had anticipated.

"Well, sometimes I have to defend the parents of neglected juveniles." He shrugs nonchalantly.

"And you've never come across any moral delimmas in that?"

"Nope. It's all in how you look at it."

I'm not convinced. I'm sure it was all over my face, too.

"For example....once, I had to defend a mother who was accused of beating her daughter with a baseball bat. The judge didn't really like my argument."

I sat there for a second in shock.

"Well....what was your argument?"

"I argued that if she HAD beat her daughter with the baseball bat...she at least did it properly, since her daughter didn't have any broken bones."

Wow. I mean......just......wow.

Work. Part Two:

"I also had to defend a woman who admitted to using crack while she was pregnant," he said.

"Wow. That's really sad! How'd you do that? Was it difficult?"

"Nah. Well, how do you know that she was really smoking crack? Maybe she just THOUGHT she was smoking crack."

"If she was stupid enough to THINK she was smoking crack when she wasn't, then she's probably too stupid to take care of a baby." Yes. I did actually say that.

From here, we moved on to family. Since he wasn't much for conversation, I started.

Family.

"So, what do your parents do?"

"They're retired."

Come on guy. Throw me a freakin' bone.

"Ok. What did they do before they retired?"

"My mom was an elementary principal."

"Oh really? Did she like that?"

"Yeah. She likes to be in control."

Wow. Busting out the family issues on the first date. I thought.

"Oh. So she's kind of a control freak then?"

"Let's just put it this way. I don't mind people being controlling....as long as it's not ME they're trying to control."

Awwwwwwkkkkwwwarrrrddddd.

The check.

The waitress eventually came over.

"What would you guys like to do about the check?"

Bill stared at me and blinked blankly.

Sooooooo, guess we're not going to do the check dance then! You know....the whole, "I'll get it!" "Oh no! Please, let me!" "No, really, that's ok! I can get it!" "No, no! I'd really like to pay." Nope. None of that. Just awkwardness. Staring. Me. In. The. Face.

The waitress started to look awkward, too....so I just said, "You can just go ahead and split it down the middle. That'll be fine. Thanks"

As I'm handing her the check and my card, I think to myself, "This date couldn't get ANY worse if my card got declined."

Then, the most humiliating thing EVER happened.

"Ma'am. This card was declined. I tried it twice. Sorry."

Bill stares at me. I'm inwardly freaking out. My face is BURNING.

"How am I going to pay for my dinner??? Why was my card declined???? What am I going to do??? I forgot my cell phone! I wonder if they'd let me wait tables for a few hours! Or wash dishes??" I mean, dining and dashing was not beneath me at this point people.

"I can't believe this happened! I know I have money on here!"

Bill stares at me.

"Somebody could've stolen your identity," he says.

Wow. Way to make me feel better.

"I'm going to go call really quickly. I forgot my phone. I'll be back."

I got up to use the phone behind the bar....and the touch tones didn't work. I tried pretty much beating number 1 with my pointer finger over and over.....I probably even said a word or two that I shouldn't have.....but I kept hearing "For account information, please press 1." I hung up. There's only so many times you can hear your "options" without being allowed to choose and not completely loose your mind.

I went back to the table for more fun times.

"Can I borrow your phone? The touch tones wouldn't work on theirs." I looked pretty humiliated and pathetic I'm sure. He let me use his phone. That was nice of him.

I had decided that this was the worst night EVER.

"You have $1,476, 879.14 available."

Ok, so maybe I'm exaggerating.....but I had money on the card.

Bill was still looking at me. It wasn't helping. Couldn't he have just looked at something else???? I mean, really!!

We had to have sat there for like 15 minutes. He was just watching me freak out....make phone calls....sweat.

FINALLY. FIIINNNNAAALLLLYYYYYY, he says, "I can cover you. Don't worry about it."

Gee. Thanks "Bill". Thanks for covering for me. REAL sweet of you. Just REEEAAAALLLLLL sweet.

To this day, I don't know why my card didn't work. I called the bank. Everything was fine.

God certainly does have a sense of humor, huh?

Not only did He let me meet someone who seemed void of any kind of moral compass, have controlling mommy issues, be very awkward conversationally (which is weird, because normally, no conversation is awkward for me), and know just how to make me feel less humiliated in probably one of the most humiliating situations I've EVER been in, but........at least the meal was free. HA!

Humbled

I am constantly amazed at my own arrogance. It's so easy to judge others, but when you have a moment of realization that not everyone is like you, that not everyone has had your privileges and upbringing, that not everyone has had it so easy, it is really humbling. We've all had our hardships and struggles, but I've not had things as bad as I think.

Friday, I had the pleasure of speaking with a lady that I've seen in passing many a time. We've said our greetings, smiled at each other and made frivolous inquiries like "How are you?" But on this day, she graciously opened herself up to me for some reason, and we spoke for an extended amount of time about her life. We started out by talking about her children and how much she loves them, what her hopes are for them, and what she believes about parenting. She told me that she really encourages her kids to look at her mistakes, look at their family members' mistakes, and the mistakes of those around them, and learn from them. That's what she had to do. She had to make a decision about how she wanted her life to be at a very young age, and then fight for that life.

Growing up, she had a goal. Her goal was this: to not get pregnant before the age of 21....and she made it. As she told me this success she lifted her hands and her eyes to the sky, smiled and said "Oh yes, I MADE IT!" This was so humbling for me to hear. While I was at SBEC in high school, with goals of graduating with honors, going to college and having a career, she was watching those around her have children when they were as young as 12 years old. She was watching her friends be abused, physically, emotionally and sexually, drop out of school, and be neglected by those they were supposed to be able to rely on the most. She was also being abused. Instead of her goal being to go to college, it was to simply make it through high school without getting pregnant. Wow. How privileged have I been?? How blessed? This conversation was such an inspiration to me. Hearing from a woman who defied the odds, which were not in favor, and then strive to give her children the life that she didn't have, was amazing. She was truly inspiring. She didn't talk about her life as a victim. She didn't talk about it in a bitter, angry way. She spoke about things in a "this is just how it was" kind of way. She wasn't looking for pity, nor was she over-exaggerating the negative experiences she had, she was just laying it out there, "matter of fact" like.

This reminded me that surrounding myself with people who aren't like me, gives me the humbling opportunity to learn a different perspective; gives me a humbling reminder, that the world is full of people who are suffering, struggling, and fighting to defy crippling statistics....and that I've had it so good in life, struggles and all. Thank you God for the blessings you've given me....and for the reminder that I need to be compassionate and gracious as you are, which is hard for a sinner like me!

Quote of the Day

So, in A.C.T. today, I let the kids have a little free time. They LOVE looking at the microscope slides. This one boy was looking at a slide, when all of the sudden, he jumps up, and RUNS over to a group of other kids. "LOOK!!! Its 'frog blood SMEAR'!! SO COOL! You know.....like, he got run over!?!" *Sigh* Love it that he thought the word "smear" meant the frog had been run over and the scientists scraped his smeared blood off of the road and put it on the slide. Classic. It's almost up there with the girl who thought that the "apple" in our daily riddle last week was referring to "apple bottom jeans".

A Writing for My School Devotional

I was raised by my mother and stepfather. My father was involved in my childhood occasionally, but for one reason or another has been less and less involved as I’ve gotten older. During my college years, he was deployed to Baghdad, Iraq and served there for about 14 months. Toward the end of his tour, he was in a convoy that drove over an IED (Improvised Explosive Device), causing their vehicle to explode, sending shrapnel flying into the soldiers’ bodies and causing several casualties. As I got word of this, I was faced with the thought of my father dying, something that I hadn’t thought about before. It’s nothing like what my stepmother and siblings who grew up with him must have felt. I imagine it’s a different kind of sadness and fear. A fear that I may never know my father before his death, because I am too hurt and proud to try to love him. When I was a child I would make up excuses for him and for broken promises because it was too painful. “Oh, he’s just really busy and lives far away. He’ll come down and see me soon! He loves me, I know he does! It’s just, he’s got so much going on and everything.” In my teen years, friends and social events were a good distraction. I was only reminded of how painful his absence was at Christmases and graduation. Children who have an absent parent or who have parents going through a divorce are left with an empty spot right in their middle. Everyone has an empty spot in their middle because of something...usually some hurtful relationship, abandonment or experience. I see empty spots in some of my students. Some will try to fill it with drugs, sex, alcohol, and relationships. Others will fill it with bitterness, resentment, and anger. But some, will realize it can only be filled by the love and grace that is Christ. God is love. As my father is training and preparing for his second deployment, I’m reminded of the thought of losing him again. I’m reminded that anger, bitterness, resentment, and pride are small dark rooms that we lock ourselves in to keep us from getting hurt and weathered by the world, that keep us from seeing God in others. God is Love. Let us strive to let go of our anger, fear, hurt, guilt, shame, resentment, bitterness, pride. If we keep these small, dark rooms in our hearts, there’s not much space left for love. Let us strive to be empathetic, compassionate, kind, loving…but also hold one another accountable with empathy, compassion, kindness and love. God is love. I’m working to build a relationship with my father now and love him, because through loving we learn; through loving, we grow; through loving, we see and experience God. In a conversation I once had with a friend, we came upon the idea that nothing in the world will ever change until we start seeing God in each other. We are ALL made in His image, so He is reflected in EACH person walking this earth. But, no one wants to see God in someone else. We just want to see what we think is bad, negative, different than ourselves, sinful, because it makes us feel better, holier, more normal, “good”. At that moment, when we make those judgments, we are not loving our neighbor as ourselves. We are loving ourselves at the expense of our neighbor. My father was made in the image of God. I was made in the image of God. Let’s strive together to see God’s image in each other, and in loving compassion, learn and grow, breaking down the walls of the small, dark rooms in our hearts, filling each others’ empty spots with love for one another, because God is Love, and “the greatest of these is love”.

“So now may you leave this place with hearts of love and peace. May you find the grace never to sell yourself short; grace to risk something big for something good; grace to remember that the world now is too dangerous for anything but truth, and too small for anything but love. So may Love take your minds and think through them; may Love take your lips and speak through them; may Love take your hearts and grant them peace.” Amen.
The Rev. Dr. Donald Hodgson